I split a box of 25 Vigilante Robusto Grande Corojo cigars with 2 friends. It was a one day sale that my friend C found. 25 cigars for $35. Not too shabby. Of course, when he found the deal and ordered, I hadn’t smoked one yet. Still, $14 for 8 cigars was a steal. Besides, it’s Rocky Patel, how bad could they be?

This past weekend the missus and I went to Orlando to finish packing up our old abode. While there we went to downtown Disney to visit Sosa’s Family Cigar shop. The missus who had been many times raved about the shop. I found it.. lacking. The humidor room’s door was wide open, as was the door to the “street”. The sticks seemed a little dried out to me. Hm, wonder why??

Their prices were of course higher than I had expected but then, as C said, it was Downtown Disney - the land of jacked up. (In more ways than one, but I digress…) I was hoping to pick up a Gurkha since I had my 15 pack coming and wanted to see what I’d be waiting for. Alas, they didn’t sell Gurkha, either. What we did find, however, was a Vigilante Robusto Grande Maduro. When C got the deal, the Maduro’s were sold out. He doesn’t like the Maduro wrappers as much as I do but I find the Corojo to be a little more bitter on my tongue than I’d like. 

I spent more money there than I necessarily had planned (or wanted) to, but it was all good. The missus got herself a tin of Moontrance mini-cigars (not cigarellos) and the Vigilante Robusto Grande Maduro. I got a Natural Juicy Lucy, CAO Brazilla Pirhana, and a few others I can’t remember right now.

After a quick dinner and a 15 minute drive back to the house, I was really wanting to light up my CAO Brazilla. I had heard such good things about them. When we got home, instead of going upstairs to smoke, we sat in my truck and lit up our cigars while listening to an awesome DJ spinning on 106.7 XL. I don’t know who spins for them Saturday nights, but man is he good!

The missus let me sample her Vigilante and I was really blown away by what a good smoke it was! While not as full bodied as my Brazilla (which is offically my favorite cigar now, by the way) it was still a full smoke. The draw was excellent the entire way through - she never had any problems. The best way I can describe the difference between the Vigilante and the Brazilla is that the Vigilante presents an over-all “cooler” flavor while the Brazilla has a “warmer” flavor.

We both smoked our cigars down to the nub and enjoyed every minute of it. My Brazilla never got nasty.

So, flash forward to last night. C comes over and gives me my 8 sticks and we immediately go outside and light up. I had told him how much the missus had liked her Maduro version and that I thought he’d really enjoy the smoke. He did. We both did. It was awesome. I had a little problem about half way through with the wrapper burning uneven but managed to straighten that up. I stopped smoking at about 2 inches left because I wasn’t digging the final flavors. However, I’m more than okay with chalking that up to my being so over-eager to enjoy the smoke I didn’t slow down enough (a common problem I seem to have but I’m learning to slow down and enjoy). I don’t like the Corojo wrapper as much as the Maduro but after the first few minutes I didn’t even notice the more bitter wrapper.

Over all, this is a fantastic smoke that I could easily enjoy as my daily cigar. The ash, in case you were wondering, was fantastic. It held on and only came off with a firm tap. There was no flaking off, either.

C even gave me the cigar box which is now sitting on my desk at work, taunting me with the knowledge that I have 7 more of these wonderful cigars at home, waiting.

But, tonight I shall pick and light a Gurkha!

Someone remind me to buy distilled water so I can set up my humidor!

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One of the things that most women ask me when they decide they’re comfortable enough with me (and know about my transition) is “Are the men’s rooms as bad as I think they are? Women’s rooms are better, right?”

Maybe it’s the mystique of this area that women can’t go that makes them wonder. Maybe it’s the stereotype that women are way more clean than men and smell better. Maybe it’s because their husbands, boyfriends, male friends regularly screw up and violate their bathrooms at home. I don’t know but the question gets asked a lot. So I’m going to answer you all, here.

***Disclaimer: Stereotypes (that happen to be mostly true) ahead. Read at your own peril. I am merely offering up the most obvious, and usually true, answers.***

“Oh my god, it stinks!”

Let’s start with the fact that men have more bowel movements than women. While women may outstrip men in the peeing department, men generally poop more often. As we all are well aware, human waste smells awful to begin with. Add to it men eating more meat and other generally “bad for you” choices when it comes to sustanance and viola! A stinky stinky men’s restroom.

“What, you couldn’t crack a window?”

Quite often, men can’t be bothered to stick around and raise a child. You think they’re going to go out of their way after dropping a stinky load (yes, despite your more acid comments about men not being able to smell, we actually can) to find a window to open or incense to burn or, hell, light a match? Hah! “Do your business and leave” the mantra of the men’s room.

“Why don’t men wash their hands?”

They do. I wash mine every time I go to the bathroom. However, most times I note a man not washing his hands after using the restroom it’s after he’s shaken hands with the man. Meaning there’s this wrong sense of “I only held my own skin in my hand, therefore, it’s clean”. Whereas women, when peeing, present with more chance of rubbing up against areas that would be best to be washed off ASAP. Somehow it escapes men that when they flush the toliet or touch the door, they’re gettind germs whether or not Mr. Johnson had any to begin with. Lest I be stoned for saying “areas that would be best to be washed off ASAP” I did mean the toliet bowl. Well, mostly I did.

Now, the men that don’t wash after getting their paws near their buttcheeks, that’s beyond me. Apparently no one ever taught them proper hygiene. I always feel like making loud comments when I see it happen, but I don’t.

“That’s not a cannon, big boy, get a little closer to the toliet next time!”

Okay, the peeing on the floor thing. I know. Trust me, I know. As a man who always drops his drawers to do any business in the bathroom, I would love it if men suddenly could get all of their piss inside the urnial or toliet. However, this doesn’t seem to happen. I don’t have an explanation for any man not drunk (if you go into a men’s room in a club or a restuarant that serves alcohol after 8PM, you’re going to get piss on your shoes and maybe even slacks, that’s just the truth of the matter) not making it into the target receptacle but I want to let you ladies know, it annoys us men, too. A co-worker went so far as to put Cheerios into the urinal at work and a sign urging the men to aim for the cereal. “Hey,” he said, “it worked for potty training my son!” If only it were that simple.

“Do you really poop in the sink?”

Well, I certainly don’t. But it happens. Often. By drunk idiots.

“Reading material? Are you serious?!”

Yes, we’re serious. Serious about taking a crap with some form of distraction. Again, it’s a matter of volume. As men get older the plumbing doesn’t work quite the same. This leads us to go pee more frequently and sometimes slow down in our poop-production time. Personally, I suffer from irritable bowel syndrome sometimes. I need something to distract me from the pain I’m in while I wait for my spastic colon to stop being a jerk. There is also the fact that to most men, taking a poop is extremely satisfying. Why? The prostate. Man, I’m a little jealous. Except for the whole prostate cancer part. Then, again, I have parts that can get cancer, too, so I guess it all evens out in the end.

Another reason men read on the john is… privacy. For some men, it’s the only time during the day they get 10 minutes alone. You want to relax, do your business, and maybe read that fishing magazine your wife has relugated to the spare bathroom that is “your” bathroom. Or, you know, look at nudie mags. Whatever.

 

Thus ends my explanation of the most comment “WTF?!?!”s women want to know in regards to men’s bathrooms. I hope it’s been eye opening and mind expanding.

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Today I saw this deal and I’m going to order it as soon as I can.

15 Gurkha cigars with Humidor

My local cigar shop doesn’t carry Gurkhas. I asked the guy last night and he’s like, “You know, we don’t. We should. They’re really great cigars…”

Just wanted to share!

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The Theme: Dirty Disney
The Players: (from L to R) The Wife as Gippetto (sp?), Me as Pinocchi-OOOOhh!, N as The Puppy, and my sister as Cruela De Ville as a Dominatrix.
The Verdict: Awesome!

Everyone kept asking what I had down my pants. My usual response was, “I’ll tell ya, but you have to promise to let me put it where I want to if I show you” or some variation thereof.

I had more people pulling on my junk, it was crazy. I got lots of ladies who kept asking to sit on my lap. There was a lot of alcohol and a lot of fun. I definitely work for the coolest people now.

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